How-to explain that you’re a queer woman in a hetero-normative marriage

You're at your restaurant, waiting to wait,
and you make a comment to a co-worker-friend
about a customer's particularly nice ass.
This ass being worn by a woman, your manager overhears,
and seems both confused and intrigued.
He's not surprised by the appropriateness of your comment,
but rather, the content. "Wait, what?" he stutters.
Yes, I'm a bisexual woman married to a man,
but I prefer the term queer.
This is just to say, in a polite PSA:
attraction and commitment are not mutually exclusive.

Yet sometimes when talking about certain ex-loves,
 you leave out gender-pronouns
 because you don't feel like
 explaining yourself.
 Sometimes, you give them explicit intention
 Because you do want to explain
 yourself.

Go back to the basics, when you learn that identity
 is complex & elastic, & sexy for you
 finds shape in fluidity.
 You find women handsome and men beautiful
 and all the in-between's as equals.
 And you know that if it's love,
 the parts and pieces don't matter
 when you find the one that fits.
 And when you meet your soulmate
 on the backside of an identity crisis
 that never quite ended, know
 that this will become the climax
 of the alpha & omega of a we
 that you couldn't even imagine.

You cut your hair short for the first time
 when you fell in love with a woman, but after
 she'd broken your heart. After
 she talked of baby-dykes and life not being like a Miyazaki movie
 so why should we try. You grow it out
 but after you've found the piece that fits
 in the puzzle of your heart/mind/body/soul.
 For the after that would not have been
 without the broken heart,
 you grow it out for the wedding, letting it grow
 through all the stages of awkward, loving
 every part, from mullet to bob.
 You let it grow because you want options.

And you plan to chop it off again. Even though your mother
 wishes you wouldn't, as she confides that, "I always knew
 you'd end up with a man." You cut it
 because you want to, because you feel free and easy
 and most importantly yourself with it short.
 And when you tell your partner
 you have to make a stop in your hometown
 on the drive back to Brooklyn from North Carolina to do just that,
 he's excited for you.
 He says he fell in love with you this way.
 And the more dapper and free you feel,
 the sexier he finds you.

He & she, husband & wife,
 partners in love and equals in life,
 pay no mention to pronouns
 as poignant proxies for you
 & me, and the magic we make
 as a we.

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